


Lavender and Honey

by ioveaffairs



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek would rather die then tell Stiles how he feels, M/M, Mating Bond, Stiles already knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:35:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25108585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ioveaffairs/pseuds/ioveaffairs
Summary: Some days, some days he regrets not telling Stiles.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 5
Kudos: 165





	Lavender and Honey

Some days, some days he regrets not telling Stiles. 

He’ll do this thing where Scott makes him laugh so hard that he throws his head back, and Derek has to stop himself from either staring at his neck, or smiling in awe of how infectious his happiness is.   
He’ll be yelling at the pack whenever they ask to get his dad involved and he’ll start shaking as his voice rises, “What? Nearly getting sacrificed by a druid wasn’t enough for him?” He had asked, his hands shaking as he finished what he was doing. Derek had immediately tried to defend his reaction in the least supportive way possible to not raise any questions, “Stiles shut up, we don’t need the Sheriff,” he had said, brushing off the anger and panic he could smell from him as if Derek didn’t have time for it. He hadn’t missed the way Stiles’ shoulders sagged in relief.

Ever since the nogitsune, Derek noticed how much the trauma aged him. His usual jokes were delivered in a monotone voice, more as if he was stating the obvious with his dark humor rather than the usual excited remarks. He took every little thing that happened in Beacon Hills more seriously, as if he needed so badly to restore his life to the way it was before Scott got bitten. He got this look in his face, where he would squint his eyes and his lips slightly open whenever he was about to make a decision. Derek still remembers when he was on the receiving end of it, and the feeling of Stiles and him finally working together as a team rather than people with no other option. 

He remembers how it was in the beginning, when seeing Scott and Stiles, hearing Stiles’ talk about his surprise that Derek was still in Beacon Hills despite all of his family being murdered. He remembers scenting Scott and the crisp woodsy smell surrounding him, and then Stiles, who smelt like hot cinnamon rolls the morning after a thunderstorm, making the world more vibrant and alive. 

He remembers when they were first forced to work together as Derek was slowly dying due to the wound in his arm. He had felt so sickly and disgusting that day, so close to letting go despite the sense that he was gonna get somewhere new in life now that Scott and Stiles were in his. Then he had inhaled through his mouth, trying to avoid the blood and the fear-ridden sweat making its way to the surface of his body. He remembers choking on the air, and then having to breathe through his nose. He had looked up where Stiles stood in front of him with his back turned, the scent of lavender and honey filling the room. It was the scent of his mother. Stiles was shouting into the phone when he turned to Derek, describing what he looked like to Scott. Derek couldn’t find it in himself to do anything but stare at him with his mouth agape. 

-

Two years later and sometimes, the secret is nothing but a dull ache in his chest. But then there are days when he has to see him. Standing in front of him, looking at how he’s grown, Stiles is the spark in Derek’s life that makes him want to live. He knows that Stiles needs the stability of Derek being alive just as much as Derek needs the stability of Stiles coming into his life from time to time as the years pass. It’s not nearly enough, he knows this and so does the wolf inside of him, but Derek’s gotten used to forcing himself into thinking it is. 

-

Deaton was the first to know. It was late when Stiles ran through the rain, knocking on the clinics door. He wouldn’t answer anything Deaton asked, and he wouldn’t let him get Scott, Malia, or Lydia.   
“Uh, my phone’s pretty much dead from the water damage, could I use yours?” he had finally said, his voice shaky as he hugged himself.   
When Deaton had given it to him Stiles had left the room, and then two hours later Derek was slamming the door open, “Where is he?”  
Deaton didn’t see Stiles have a panic attack, or Derek take his pain away, but he did see Stiles sleeping on Derek’s shoulder as Derek stared off into the distance. 

“It will make sense to him if you tell him you know,” he said.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“Derek, keeping something like this… as much as it is your choice, think about how it’s also his right to know. All of the stories that explain how it makes one feel finally whole, after everything don’t you think that’s what he needs?”   
Derek looked at the boy sleeping, listening to his heartbeat once more before answering, “Yeah, but what happens if he doesn’t want it? I never see him again? I can deal with that, but my wolf couldn’t.”

-

When Scott realizes it, he makes Derek think about it.

He remembers when Liam told him about how Stiles almost didn’t leave Derek when he got attacked by the berserker. But when Derek is standing on the opposite side of them with Braeden, and Kira is looking at Stiles, Scott turns to him too. Stiles has this look, like he wants to say something but he can’t and when he turns to look at Derek, he’s smiling but it’s almost awkward, like he doesn’t know if he should really leave them or not. 

Derek leaves with Braeden, and Stiles is the first one to return to his jeep. When Malia tries to go to him, Scott stops her, shaking his head.

It’s a month later when Scott visits Derek and he brings it up as he’s leaving. 

“Hey Derek? I don’t know what happened or didn’t happen with you and Stiles, but fix it? Maybe? I don’t know why you guys can’t ever be real with each other, but you leaving changed him, so fix it.”

-

So Derek never tells them that if you’re born a werewolf, it’s different. He never tells them how different they are than bitten werewolves, how when you’re born a werewolf, you have different instincts, and more abilities. He never tells them that there’s more magic to being born the way he was, how he can connect with the moon, how packs work differently when they’re all blood related, and how sometimes, if you’re lucky, the human doesn’t have to worry about finding someone to love; the wolf will do it for them. He knew it when he realized that Stiles’ scent would change whenever Derek was in disarray, calming him down, and he knew it when being physically close to him after a long time filled him with so much energy, so much strength and will that he could fight not only for himself but also for the pale honey-eyed boy. To tell him was to risk everything, and right now his everything was whatever he could give to his wolf.

-

It’s Christmas and Scott nearly made Derek trip as he found himself under the mistletoe with Stiles. His smile is young and his eyes are golden to Derek’s green ones. Halfway through college and he only got taller and fraction of a wrinkle on his forehead. Derek remembers how earlier he was scorning him for not sleeping well.  
Stiles places his arm around his neck and draws his mouth up to his. 

Everyone laughs around them in surprise as they split apart, and Derek looks at Stiles’ flushed face and neck and he looks beautiful, and Derek can’t stop himself from telling him. 

“It’s you.” It’s so low that only Stiles can hear, and when he looks at Derek his eyes are wide and his lips are drawn apart. Everyone’s still giggling over their kiss and Stiles only looks shocked for about a minute or two before he smiles at his mate and lets out the softest laugh.

“I was wondering when you would finally be able to tell me.” Stiles wastes no time explaining before going in to kiss him another time.

**Author's Note:**

> rly small drabble/idea that came to me while i was rewatching lol,, let me know if you guys want another part to this!


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